Roese suggests you think about how a different choice also might have impacted you negatively. So instead of creating a scenario that overemphasizes positive thinking, Dr. Maybe, even if it’s not clear yet, a few aspects of your life actually worked out better because you splurged a little more. If you regret not saving more money, for instance, it’s helpful to steer yourself away from the thought that “everything would be perfect if I’d stuck to a savings plan.” Sure, savings might come in handy right now, but other factors might’ve come along to land you in the same spot. The truth is that you don’t know that everything would’ve been better if you’d made a different decision. “Regret focuses on what you could have done differently,” Dr. You can’t change the past, but your feelings might have solid advice on what you can do differently in the future. Instead of thinking, Ugh, everything would be different right now, ask yourself what the disappointment, anger, or regret you’re feeling right now is teaching you. Or, if all you can see is how life stinks right now as a result of your mishap, you can use the present moment to find the lesson. So, if you’re drowning in what you could’ve done or should’ve said, consider listing what you’ve learned and how you’ve changed instead. Roese says that regret is an instrumental part of goal setting because it’s a moment to think about how you can avoid a similar outcome in the future. There’s a chance that they’ve been able to use any experience of regret to learn from their behavior, Robert Allan, Ph.D., L.M.F.T., emotionally focused therapy trainer and assistant professor of couple and family therapy at the University of Colorado, Denver, tells SELF. Often the people who say “I don’t have regrets” aren’t in deep denial (though they might be). List the lessons you’ve learned, then read them when you need that reminder. So if you’re struggling with how to let go of regret, you’ll find nine small things you can do to create a little space between you and your regrets below. Why? Wanting to get somewhere can be a starting point for growth and change, but it can also keep us in a cycle of negativity and even despair. Even though regrets are part of being alive, they can outlive their usefulness.
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